New Beginnings

Lying in bed this morning, instead of milking every last moment for sleep, I started thinking about my next blog entry. I’ve been in Hollywood for so long, I didn’t know where to begin my next topic. So, I’m starting from the beginning. (Don’t worry. I’ll spare you the baby pictures.)

Transitioning from actress to writer hasn’t been all the fun and games (see: immediate success), I’d hoped it would be. Good things seemed to come to me more easily when I was younger. Or maybe I have a spotty memory. (Ask anyone who knows me personally, and they’ll tell you that’s true.)

When I came to LA, I had no stars in my eyes. I knew I was an actor. And I knew going back to Levittown wasn’t an option. I was determined to “make it” – not be famous, just make a living at my craft. If all the people I’d watched while I was growing up could do it, surely I could find a way to pay a reasonable rent. (No rats or roaches, please.)

I refused to get discouraged. Okay, I did get discouraged occasionally – like when my manager told me I needed to drop 30 pounds. (I only weighed around 130 at the time. And I have a medium-large frame.)  After haggling like a shopper at some freaky, body image flea market, I firmly told him I’d lose 10. It felt like a victory. Sort of…

I guess my point is that things didn’t necessarily come more easily when I was younger. It may have been easier to get an audition with a slim resume when I looked like a teenager. But, it’s not like there was a tremendous call for adolescent, black girls-next-door. (Quote: “Could you be more black?”) I put up with things. (Not the casting couch.) And I eagerly did what it took – including extra work, once upon a time – to make ends meet and keep the dream alive. (I was a terrible waitress.)

After finding some success with commercials and small parts in TV shows and movies, I actually found myself disappointed. It hadn’t been the big, creatively-fulfilling journey I’d expected. Now, I’m not knocking acting. I still love it. But, I longed for more meaning in my work – which is hard to get when you’ll jump every time your cell phone rings. (Another free message from my wireless company?! Man, I hate those guys.)

To make a long story, well… a little shorter… I started writing to keep what little sanity I had left. I needed an outlet. And I wanted to tell stories I thought weren’t being told – about complex characters I cared about. Some of them are funny. Some are obnoxious, timid, antagonistic, naïve… Whether they’re overcoming low self-esteem, personal tragedies, abandonment issues, fears of intimacy – or of being alone – a tormenting sibling, or competition in the workplace, their journeys are interesting to me. (I’m not alone here, am I? Is this thing still on?)

Anyway, virtually starting over on a new path definitely has its drawbacks. But, pursuing your passion has enormous perks. When I begin thinking my life is difficult, I take a look at the world and count my blessings. Then, if I have any perspective, I look at my career in a new light. One of my first acting jobs in LA was in a psychic hotline commercial with Nell Carter. And I was glad to have it. Me to NC: “I’m getting the best reading of my life!”

If I'd only known then what the future would truly hold…